Zombie Movie Night: August! Go!

Buck Wild

Buck Wild

Last year the movie Infected teased us all with the thought of zombie deer. It did not deliver, but lo and behold, my dream of zombie deer tearing shit up was given new hope when I saw that there was a zombie movie called Buck Wild. Going on nothing but name alone, I entered Buck into the ranks of ZMN.

In a standard horror set-up, four buddies are going on vacation to a secluded hunting lodge for a weekend of bonding and not-getting-murdered. Unluckily for them, the lodge’s owner was recently bitten by a chupacabra, the cryptozoological “Goat Sucker,” and seems to be under the weather as a result. Spoiler Alert: He turns into a zombie.

THE GOOD: Buck Wild is a zombie comedy…..and it’s actually funny. The lead is a lovable loser. His buddies are a male slut and an uptight stiff (dare I say, nerd? I’ll leave that for the next review). But the scene stealer in Buck is the lead’s off-kilter cousin, who comes along for the ride and proceeds to make everyone uncomfortable by sharpening his knife in his sleep and practicing martial arts in the nude. This kind of character has been tried plenty of times and typically succeeds or fails based on the actor and dialogue. Luckily, in this case, both are strong.

THE BAD: I liked this movie a lot, but there were two moments that really fell flat. 1) The chupacabra at the beginning was a terrible looking puppet and overall unnecessary. It never returns and there was no reason to include this as the cause of the outbreak. 2) A scene in which a zombie provides Freudian psychotherapy to the main character really didn’t work. It certainly didn’t fit with the type of zombies the movie portrayed, but more importantly, it wasn’t funny. The next scene shows the lead sleeping, so I’ll at least give Buck the benefit of the doubt and say that it was a dream sequence.

THE ZOMBIES: And now the moment you’ve been waiting for! Zombie Deer……..are not present (wah wah). Nope, just standard zombies. Sometimes running, somewhat functioning when first infected, but overall pretty standard (save for scene mentioned above).

VERDICT: I went into Buck Wild with zero expectations. Based on title, poster, and description I thought for sure we were looking at bottom 10% of the list. I can’t really remember the last time I was this surprised on ZMN. This is a damn good movie. Definitely worth checking out. Grade: B+

Current ZMN Rank: #38 out of 146

Golden Zombey Watch: I could potentially see nominations for this one all over the ballot: Best Actor, Supporting Actor, Villain, Duo, Origin, Best Zombie Comedy, Soundtrack, Most Memorable Massacring, Bizarre Zombie Behavior, and WTF Moment.

Attack of the Vegan Zombies

Attack of the Vegan Zombies

If I’m going to give Attack of the Vegan Zombies any credit at all, it has a wacky-ass original premise. Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. A couple owns a vineyard. Years of unsuccessful harvests have led them to the brink of bankruptcy. In order to save the farm, Wife goes to her mother for help. Mom is a witch (resentful of her rebellious daughter, who chose not to be a witch). Wife and Mom make a potion to create a bountiful harvest. One of the ingredients is blood, which Wife collects from Husband (by tricking him into crazy, nasty, vicious, bloody, off-screen sex). Potion works! Fast forward to next year, the vineyard is so successful the couple hires local students to help them harvest all the grapes. But these are angry grapes. Aggressive grapes. See, Husband had been drinking before Wife took his blood. His blood angered up the grapes and now they crave….wine! And what’s the best way to get wine? By creating zombies, of course. Zombies that crave….wine! And if they can’t get wine, they’ll settle for the blood of humans that have recently drank (drunken?) wine. Because the wine is in their blood! Got it? Good. Let’s move on.

THE GOOD: No, let’s start with THE BAD: it makes more sense that way. Because this movie is bad. Really bad. First off, with a title and a description like that, you’d think that this would be tongue-in-cheek, off the walls whack-a-doo. But, it’s played fairly straight the whole time. Odd decision, but OK. Worse than this is the fact that all of the acting and all of the characters are terrible. Two of the students are nerds. You know they’re nerds because they wear glasses, button down shirts, pocket protectors, and reference Star Trek in nasally nerd voices. This wasn’t funny on Saved by the Bell, and it’s not funny now.

THE GOOD: The only saving grace for AotVZ is that it is at least enjoyably bad. Much on the level of Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill, everything in this movie is so bad that you can’t help but root for it. And, there is a throwaway lesbian with some boobage. They’re not the greatest boobs, but hey, credit where credit is due.

THE ZOMBIES: Oh yeah, the zombies look terrible too. Green face and body paint accompanied by neon green blood, a la Troll 2. And did I mention that the zombies attack humans to get at the wine in their blood? WTF!?!

THE VERDICT: So bad it’s good still doesn’t really equal a good movie. For the hardcore only. Grade: D

Current ZMN Rank: #128 out of 146

Golden Zombey Watch: Likely nominations for Origin and Bizarre Zombie Behavior. Best Nudity would be a stretch, but I’m not sure how much competition there has been this year. The whole movie itself could get nominated for WTF.

I have been negligent in some of my reviewing duties and I know that it has not gone unnoticed by my all of my loyal readers (population: 0). Just because I have missed some of my reviews has not meant that ZMN has not been chugging along though. So tonight, I’m going to do quick reviews of April and June’s entries.

Eaters

Eaters

Eaters is another one of those zombie movies that I saw a trailer for ages ago, but which just finally became available. Now anticipation is usually the key ingredient to disappointment, but luckily Eaters is a pretty damn good movie. The plot boils down to two buddies taking a road trip post-zombie apocalypse. Along the way, they run afoul of crazy survivors, Nazis (including a little person Hitler), mad scientists, and of course, zombies. The movie works mainly because the two main characters are likable and you care about what happens to them. Funny how that works. This one is definitely worth checking out. Grade: A

Current ZMN Rank: #27 out of 144

Battle of the Damned

Battle of the Damned

Dolph Lundgren and Robots vs. Zombies. That’s really all you need to know for this one. It’s good and bad for all the reasons you’d expect. I happened to enjoy it quite a bit, despite the fact that ol’ Dolph is a little bit up in age and doesn’t appear that tough when he whips out his Grandma-bifocals every time he looks at a map. I love the inclusion of robots for almost no reason. They’re actually quite inconsequential to the overall plot, but really, why the hell not put robots in your Dolph-powered zombie movie. Rock on! Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #67 out of 144

The Zombinator

The Zombinator

It’s funny that the tagline on the poster reads: “It started as a documentary,” because this started as a good movie (when it was a documentary) and then fell apart when it turned into a zombie movie. The movie starts out with a film crew following a fashion blogger. It really felt like it was going somewhere as characters were introduced and a moody vibe was established as the crew discussed how the town had a weird history of murder. Then, zombies descend on a party and everything that preceded it is flushed down the toilet and forgotten. An evil military guy and the titular Zombinator (who’s just a guy in black leather) come on the scene, characters are scared shitless by a building that numbered doors, and one fellow discloses a history of parental abuse for no reason before quickly dying. It’s all pretty terrible and unwatchable, but for the me, the absolute number 1 sin is the inconsistency of the cameraman. The film starts out like a found footage flick, where the cameraman is a character in the movie. But then multiple times throughout the action, the cameraman is running with zombies, having doors closed in front of him, providing exterior shots…How is this happening?! Very frustrating and if I hadn’t already been taken out of the film, this would have done it for sure. I’m often disappointed by zombie movies, but rarely so abruptly. Grade: D-

Current ZMN Rank: #132 out of 144

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter is more of a hybrid movie than a straight up zombie movie. It involves mystical amulets, vampires, vampire hunters, Tom Savini, and some zombies. The main character is a woman who desperately wants to bring her brother back from the dead, despite the fact that nobody else seems to think this is a good idea. But, being the good friends that they are they participate in a ritual with her after she finds a magical amulet. What are friends for right? The amulet in question happens to belong to a vampire who is being hunted by some dude while simultaneously engaging in a sort of vampire turf war with Tom Savini (very similar to Blade’s subplot). The woman succeeds in raising a zombie that does her bidding, but also brings about more trouble than it’s worth. The movie’s  got a mix of poor acting and adequate acting, but ends up being a pretty fun romp. Highlights include a zombie eating an ice cream cone and riding a merry-go-round. Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #55 out of 144

Germ Z

Germ Z

An alien virus hitch hiking on a fallen meteor has struck a small town causing the local population to become cannibalistic monsters. The town’s only full-time, present police officer and his non-committal girlfriend are the only ones who can save the world….or at least try to survive the massacre.

THE GOOD: For a low budget, formulaic zombie feature, I found Germ Z fairly entertaining. The acting and pacing are decent. There’s some good action and humor, and the filmmakers were smart enough to make some of the action that was beyond their reach happen off-screen.

THE BAD: There’s nothing terribly original in Germ Z. It is entertaining, but we’ve seen all this stuff before. There are also a couple of threads left hanging and some things that don’t make sense at all…like having the zombies heads randomly explode without reason or explanation.

THE ZOMBIES: Germ Z features infected humans with a desire to eat one another. There fast suckers who will sprint after you for a distance, even if you’re riding a bicycle.

VERDICT: Germ Z is better than it could have been given it’s low budget nature. Definitely better than a host of other movies in its class. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it a great movie and I feel like there might not be anything particularly memorable about it when I look at the title a year from now. Grade: C

Current ZMN Rank: #84 out of 142

Golden Zombey Watch: Marguerite Sundberg might get a nod for Best Actress depending on the strength of the category. I don’t know if the cop clearing out main street off camera would be eligible for Most Memorable Massacring of Zombies, but it might just be the most memorable moment of the film.

Evil: In the Time of Heroes

Evil in the Time of Heroes

Way back in Year One of Zombie Movie Night, we watched a crazy Greek zombie movie called Evil. It was a pretty good one and remains in the top 25 of the current Standings. It’s strongest points were full of ridiculous action and gore. After we watched it, we saw that there was a sequel….not available any way in the US. So we waited, and waited. Finally through the magic of Amazon Prime, Evil: In the Time of Heroes has become available. Was it worth the wait? Let’s find out.

E:ItToH picks up right where the original left off (more or less), with the heroes surrounded by zombies in the middle of a soccer stadium. Actually, the first scene takes place in ancient Greece, where gladiator dudes originally fought zombies possessed by an evil force. While the majority of the film takes place in the present day, it sporadically flashes back to the first zombie outbreak. Bridging the gap is Billy Zane (for some reason, is he Greek?), a mysterious figure who mentored a chosen warrior who could not be killed during the first zombie uprising. In present day, he finds that the chosen warrior is actually the over-sexed comic relief cab driver who died in the first film. Wackiness and zombie killing ensues.

THE GOOD: E:ItToH inhabits the same manic pace and energy of the first film. There’s a lot of silly comedy and most of it works. Most of the characters from the first film return, including pervy cab driver and badass, unhinged army guy. If you’re not looking for realism, this is a pretty enjoyable romp.

THE BAD: While I appreciate the filmmakers trying to set the film apart from the first by taking a different direction, it did at times feel bogged down by expanding upon its own mythology. For that reason, it was the inferior of the two films.

THE ZOMBIES: Running zombies who are actually people possessed by an evil force. SPOILER ALERT: E:ItToH goes for the super happy ending where evil is defeated and all the zombies return to human form, which makes you feel bad for all those zombies who had their heads exploded by karate kicks.

VERDICT: While not as good as the original, the sequel is still a pretty good time. Definitely one worth checking out if you have access to it. Grade: B+

Current ZMN Rank: #33 out of 142

Golden Zombey Watch: I enjoyed the crazy army guy more than I remember from the first film, so Andreas Kontopoulos may contend for a Supporting Actor spot. This is the 3rd Foreign Language Film so far this year, it’s got a pretty good shot at a win there. Also look for it to contend for Best Zombie Comedy.

The Walking Dead: Series 5

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My favorite line of action figures keeps on truckin’ with it’s 5th wave recently hitting stores. The line has moved somewhat chronologically and this wave seems to be a transition from the prison to post-prison. As usual, the wave is split between Specialty Store exclusives (LCS: Local Comic Shops) and Toys R Us exclusives (TRU). You can find the LCS toys online or at any stores that sells such things, but if you want the TRU figures you’ll have to get to the closest Toys R Us, as their website is infamously untrustworthy. I’ll start the review by looking at the LCS exclusives:

Tyreese & Prison Michonne

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We first saw this Tyreese figure when the line was initially announced way back when. We’ve since gotten a “last moment” Tyreese, but it’s good to finally get Tyreese as we’d all like to remember him. I don’t know if an explanation was ever given as to why he wasn’t released in wave 1 or 2, as it doesn’t look like any major changes were made to the figure. Tyreese comes with a shotgun, his hat, and an extra hairpiece (in the comic he did appear without his hat sometimes, unlike TV show Ty, who must have a very sweaty head). He does not come with a hammer though, which is a glaring omission in my mind. There’s nothing particularly spectacular about the figure, but it is a good likeness and a welcome addition on the shelf with the other early survivors. A little minimate hammer might have put him over the edge.

We’ve gotten a lot of Michonne’s, but this is the one that I’ve been most looking forward to. Not being a fan of her brightly colored mismatched socks, I much prefer her in something more down to earth. I like the angry expression on her face, too. I think this is the best Michonne the line has given us thus far.

Riot Gear Glenn & Maggie

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The man who wore the riot gear most often now gets a figure. I like the gear, but hopefully this wave marks the end of riot gear figures. We’ve now got Rick, Governor, Glenn, and Michonne. That’s probably enough even though a few other characters donned the protective gear as well (Tyreese, Hershel, Maggie, Andrea, Billy…I think that’s it). Glenn has the same body and accessories as Rick and Gov (only with two full arms). He comes with his hat, which is cool, but doesn’t look quite right with the riot gear. This is our second angry faced Glenn. It looks good enough and fits the outfit, but I don’t generally think as Glenn as an angry guy. It might have been nice to give him a crying face to fit his time in Woodbury. If we get another Glenn down the road, I’d like to see him a little more smiley.

Maggie appears to be representative of the time after the survivors were driven from the prison. She sports the short haircut that she has stuck with since shaving her head in prison. Maggie comes with a long coat, which is cool, but she also has short-sleeved arms so she can coatless, and I think I prefer that look. TV show Maggie is cooler and tougher than comic Maggie, but she’s still an important part of the story and looks to be getting a bigger role in the more recent comics, so she’s a great addition to the crew.

Survivor Morgan, Geek Zombie, & Variant Martinez

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The last LCS set is split between two survivors, Morgan and Martinez. So, if you want them both, you’re going to end up with 2 Geek Zombies. This isn’t terrible, because Geek is a pretty nice and generic zombie; a good horde builder. It seems kind of unfair to call him a geek just because he wears glasses, but I think in the source material he also had some kind of Comic Con shirt or something. Geek brings back the intestine-holding hand that was first found on series 2′s One-Eyed Zombie. Geek also has a slight chunk out of his left shoulder. I like him, and don’t mind having a set of twin geeks.

Martinez was one of the Governor’s men from Woodbury who helped the heroes escape in order to discover the location of the prison. Whether he was an evil man serving the Governor or just trying to help some of the good people from Woodbury can be debated, but Rick finished him off just the same. Martinez’s figure comes with his signature do-rag and a big gun for patrolling the walls. He’s probably the last of the Woodbury crew we’ll see and I’m glad we got him.

This is the second Morgan figure, the first being a TRU exclusive in wave 2. Morgan here is a bit more haggard and I guess represents the time when Rick first found him after leaving the prison; back when he was busy feeding visitors to his dead son. This figure looks fine, but it doesn’t seem different enough from what we already have. I would have preferred a new figure.

Traveler Rick Grimes & Business Zombie

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It’s business….It’s business time! (Flight of the Conchords, look it up!) The first of the TRU exclusives features Rick on the road and a formally dressed Business Zombie. When you hit the road, you best have a backpack. Luckily, Rick does. He probably could have used some food and water, but all he’s got are a flashlight and a shotgun. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. We’ve seen all of these pieces before. The backpack came with Series 1 Glenn and his bolt cutters were a much better fit than Rick’s gun. The gun doesn’t fit quite right and sticks up too high if stored in the bag. Rick also comes with his stump bandage and an alternate jacket outfit. Those are nice inclusions for an otherwise ordinary Rick. Again, the addition of one accessory might have put this rick over the top: a little telephone would have been awesome. As is, he’s got a nice grim look of determination, but is an otherwise plain Rick to include in your growing Rick army.

Business Zombie is cool. She has the shoulder stump first found on Dreadlock Zombie and the skirt that came with Series 1′s Female Zombie. As usual with the minimate zombies she comes with an alternate arm if you want her to be slightly less gruesome. Nice to get some girl zombies in this wave, my zombie horde has been a bit of a sausage fest.

Riot Gear Michonne & Hitchhiker Zombie

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Our second Michonne of the series and our second Riot Gear figure; this should be our last riot gear, but there are many more Michonne’s in our future (wave 6 will have a Constable’s Assistant and Evening Gown Michonne). Michonne’s time in the riot gear was pretty brief, she used it during her ill-fated attack of the Governor’s men after his initial attack. I don’t feel that this figure was necessary, but I’m guessing Michonne is character that sells pretty well, which is why she’s so heavily represented. The best thing about this figure is the alternate torso and arms, even though I think they look better on Prison Michonne’s legs.

Hitchhiker Zombie is another fairly generic zombie, which I actually consider a good thing. The horde needs plenty of generic, but good-looking zombies. He’s got a vest and some hip damage, but is otherwise not terribly disfigured compared to his comrades.

Abraham Ford & Military Zombie

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Shortly after the prison debacle, the survivors come into contact with another group consisting of military tough guy Abraham, dorky self-proclaimed genius Eugene, and sultry Rosita. The 3 of them have become fan favorites and recently showed up on TV, so it seems like a good time to get their minimates out as well. This wave takes care of Abraham and Eugene, and recent pictures for Chicago’s C2E2 revealed that Rosita will be part of series 6. Abraham comes with a big gun and a big knife, as well as a pistol and holster to hold them in. He looks good, but I wish there was some way to make him seem just a little bit bigger than the other WD minimates. DST typically saves its bulked up pieces for characters who are HUGE, like The Hulk or Mumm-Ra the Everliving, so it makes sense that ordinary civilians wouldn’t be that big, but all the same, it seems like Abraham should be bigger than Maggie somehow.

I really dig Military Zombie. He’s another fairly generic zombie, but there’s something about his face with the bloody eyes and ripped up mouth that I really like. He also includes the intestines originally found on Guts Zombie, which is another nice piece to get again.

Eugene Porter & Emaciated Zombie

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Finally, we have Eugene. Badass, machine gun wielding, gruff Eugene….wait? what? I don’t know who this clown is, but he certainly does not scream Eugene to me. Eugene’s trademarks are his mullet and his portly physique. This figure features neither. I think an additional torso cover with a gut would have been appropriate here and I’m really disappointed that his hair barely registers as a greasy mullet. It also seems that an obvious accessory for Eugene would be his radio, an essential part of the group’s voyage to Washington DC, but instead he comes packed with a machine gun. Doesn’t make sense to me. Eugene is a great character in the book and I was really looking forward to seeing him in minimate form, but this guy is just not a good representation. DST has consistently hit it out of the park with this line, but Eugene is first flop. Hopefully this line will last long enough for him to get revisited at some point.

Luckily, Eugene’s package-mate is one of the cooler looking zombies. Emaciated Zombie has a frightening face and special skinny rotting arms that look pretty cool. She doesn’t make up for the disappointment that is Eugene, but she’s still a strong figure.

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The Walking Dead minimates remain my favorite line of action figures out currently, but I have to say that this wave was probably the weakest so far. It’s not a terrible series, but between some underwhelming character variants (Survivor Morgan, Riot Gear Glenn and Michonne, Traveler Rick), missing accessories (Tyreese’s hammer, Rick’s phone, Eugene’s radio) and the disappointing Eugene figure, I find myself less excited than I was for previous figures. Wave 6 will feature more Michonne and Rick, but will also give us Carl, who might make it great all by himself. So, I’m still excited and anxiously waiting for my next hit.

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Previous Walking Dead minimate reviews: Series 1, TRU 1, Series 2, Series 3, TRU 3, Series 4, SDCC Exclusive, Amazon Exclusive, Hershel’s Farm 4-pack

So far this season, it’s seemed like there haven’t been a lot of exciting or new zombie movies becoming available (or maybe it just seems like a lull considering how many zombie films were released in theaters last year). However, this month 2 new movies that I had my eye on just became available on Netflix. Expectations were high…a dangerous, dangerous place to be. Let’s see how they made out.

Zombie Night

Zombie Night

This is the 2nd film included in ZMN with the title Zombie Night. The first was as low as low budget gets, ranked pretty low in the standings, but was somewhat enjoyable on a laughingly bad level. This new Zombie Night sets itself apart….with STAR POWER….sort of. It features the previously famous Anthony Michael Hall and Daryl Hannah. It was also directed by Project Green Light winner John Gulager (director of the Feast trilogy and son of Return of the Living Dead’s Golden Zombey nominee, Clu Gulager). The movie itself features very little plot, as it follows a group of people trying to survive a night full of zombies.

THE GOOD: If you thought all the stars of Zombie Night had names on the poster, you’re in for a treat because Zombie Night also features Alan Ruck, Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! All of the name actors give decent performances and the movie appears to be adequately put together.

THE BAD: Unfortunately, it’s really just not very much fun. Gulager’s Feast movies weren’t great, but they were campy and had a certain silly charm. Zombie Night has none of that, as everything is played straight, but without anything particularly new or interesting.

THE ZOMBIES: Pretty standard zombies, except that for some reason the outbreak only lasts one night. All the survivors have to do is make it to morning. At the end of the film, it’s unclear whether the zombies will raise again tomorrow night.

VERDICT: Zombie Night brings nothing to the table that hasn’t been done better by someone else. It’s not terrible, but it is incredibly forgettable. Grade: C

Current ZMN Rank: #81 out of 138

Golden Zombey Watch: Anthony Michael Hall and Daryl Hannah for Best Actor and Actress? Maybe, why not? Zombie Night’s best chance might be in Unintentional Comedy for the police officer who dooms more people than he saves.

Stalled

Stalled

Stalled has a simple premise: A man stuck in bathroom stall when the zombie apocalypse strikes. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like there’d be enough meat there to flesh out a whole hour and a half film, but people said the same thing about Booty Call, and Jamie Foxx won an Oscar for that!

THE GOOD: I found Stalled to be quite enjoyable. Having a single, small location allows this low-budget production to succeed without trying to stretch past its limitations. Our hero is stuck in the bathroom when zombies destroy the Christmas party that was occurring in the office outside. Part of the fun of this movie is wondering what kind of craziness happened at that party, as not only did it have zombies, but also multiple people (and little people) dressed up in ridiculous Christmas costumes.

THE BAD: There’s not too much fault to be found here, given the low budget nature of the film. I did find it pretty implausible that the hero would have someone to talk to in his position. I wasn’t really buying that two people ended up in such an unlikely circumstance.

THE ZOMBIES: Regular zombies, maybe extra stupid or under-motivated as they couldn’t crack the nut of gaining entry into a bathroom stall.

VERDICT: I give Stalled a hearty recommendation. It does a nice job of telling a different kind of zombie tale while still remaining entertaining and amusing. Grade: B+

Current ZMN Rank#37 out of 138

Golden Zombey WatchThe film hinges on the performance of Dan Palmer, the main actor, and he does a nice job. I like his chances of making it onto the ballot. It will probably contend for Best Zombie Comedy as well.

2012: Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Apocalypse

For the second month in a row I found that there was nothing really new or exciting that I wanted to watch. Instead, I looked through my back-up list and picked the one with the highest star rating on Netflix. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, based on its competition), that movie was 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, a made for SyFy Channel movie starring Ving Rhames and Crab Man from My Name is Earl. The story is pretty standard: survivors of the zombie apocalypse trek across a wasted landscape trying to reach a safe zone.

THE GOOD: The best thing you could say about 2012 is that it’s decent. Story and acting are acceptable. Ving Rhames was great in the Dawn of the Dead remake. This attempt to recapture that glory is definitely better than his first: the terrible Day of the Dead remake.

THE BAD: SyFy movies are known for their extreme campiness. Outside of a giant zombie tiger, 2012 plays it straight. Unfortunately, this makes it a bit boring. There’s nothing original or humorous (intentional or unintentional) here, which makes it pretty forgettable in the long run.

THE ZOMBIES: Standard zombies. There’s an intro that talks about how zombieism spread, but it doesn’t really matter. There are hints that the virus is evolving some, as animals start to become infected and zombies start to set traps, but there’s not a tremendous amount of time given to this and that subplot never really goes anywhere. Some of the zombies in the film look pretty bad, as if some of them put on a Halloween clown mask and slapped some fake gore on it.

VERDICT: Uninspired and unoriginal. Your life will be unaltered whether you check it out or not, I’d lean toward skipping it. Grade: C

Current ZMN Rank: #80 out of 136

Golden Zombey Watch: Ving Rhames for Best Actor? Sure, why not? The zombie tiger might qualify for WTF Moment.

Dead and Deader

Dead and Deader

Next up, my brother chose the 2006 smash hit, Dead and Deader, starring Dean Cain and Guy Torry (best known as the prisoner who helped un-racistify Edward Norton in American History X). Cain is actually our second Superman found in Zombie Movie Night (Henry Cavill in Blood Creek being the first). Somebody give a shout out if they know of a zombie movie starring Adam West!

Cain is the main character and is quickly killed in a military mission gone awry. To everyone’s surprise, he wakes up alive, as do his fellow military men. He seems to be the only one with any consciousness though, and he sets out on a mission to stop the other, mindless zombies.

THE GOOD: DaD was actually pretty enjoyable. I was surprised. There’s some cheesiness, but for the most part it’s well-acted, sometimes funny, and overall entertaining.

THE BAD: I’m never a fan of zombie super powers. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why would the zombie Dean Cain have super-tracking senses, super strength, and advanced healing?

THE ZOMBIES: Cain has the aforementioned super powers, but the other guys all seem to be standard zombies. Zombieism is caused by some kind of mutant scorpion and there ends up being a mad scientist behind the whole thing.

VERDICT: I was pleasantly surprised with this one. I think it’s worth checking out, especially if you’re a huge Dean Cain fan (my wife might be the only one left, though). Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #56 out of 136

Golden Zombey Watch: The main 3 characters might compete for the acting categories or Cain might show up in Outstanding Zombie. Pretty decent contender for Best Zombie Comedy as well.

I don’t know if my Zombie Movie Night expectations were ever as low as they were for the two offerings in the first showing of 2014. Nothing in my zombie list was really calling out to me, so I decided to make an attempt to revive the Golden Zombey category of Best Animated Feature by picking The Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse. It looked pretty crappy, but how bad could it be? My brother made the discovery that Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead was streaming on Netflix. Yeah, it was going to be a long night.

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

Zombie Ass

Zombie. Ass. Toilet. Of the Dead. Let’s just let that sink in. You know it’s from Japan. Wacky Japanese movies can be great (see Helldriver). They can also be terrible (see Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay). They can also get into weird, creepy, fetish areas (see Attack Girls Swim Team Vs. The Undead). Zombie Ass straddles that line, and comes pretty close to jumping over it. Luckily, most of it is pretty watchable.

So the story goes that a group of teens are camping in the forest in search of parasites so that one girl can ingest one and fulfill her dreams of becoming a super thin model. Somehow, this great plan goes awry. The parasite she eats turns out to be a mutant parasite that causes zombieism and occasionally sprouts out of the victim’s anus with razor sharp teeth. More butt parasite zombies show up and the groups seeks shelter in a local village where they come across a scientist doctor dude and his young daughter, who are more evil than they first appear. There’s also some backstory about the hero’s guilt over not being able to save her younger sister who committed suicide because some school bullies forced her to fart in the presence of others. Spoiler Alert: she overcomes her fear and triumphs over evil with the power of farting in public.

THE GOOD: I know some of that sounds great, but it really comes out weird on screen. Obviously this film does not take itself too seriously, and there are parts that are bizarrely entertaining and funny. It builds some good momentum, but then goes off the rails.

THE BAD: The last chapter of the movie is really where it falls apart. The film turns from entertaining and kind of fun to disturbing and uncomfortable. However, if anime-style tentacle rape is your kind of thing, then you might think that the ending is the best part (and I don’t want to hang out with you).

THE ZOMBIES: The zombies start out pretty standard. A whole horde arises from an outhouse covered in shit. I’m not sure how they ended up there or how they all fit down there, but I’m able to suspend disbelief enough to cover it. Again, things get weird at the end, when the tentacle parasites start sprouting from the zombies’ butts, leading them to attack butt-first in a reverse bear crawl.

VERDICT: Not as slimy as Attack Girls’ Swim Team Vs. The Undead, but not nearly as good as the best Japanese zombie stuff. It’s probably best to pass on Zombie Ass. Grade: D+

Current ZMN Rank: #99 out of 134

Golden Zombey WatchDepends on how weak Best Actress is, but Arisa Nakamura might have an outside chance. This was our first non-English film, so Foreign Film might be sparse again. I’ll be looking for Shit Man when it comes time to pick Outstanding Zombie.

The Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse

Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse

Based on title alone, you’d think that this would be a light-hearted, fun, animated romp. You would be dead wrong. There is nothing amazing about the boring-ass adventures of the living corpse. I feel compelled to summarize the plot, but I know it’s not worth my time. I’ll just speak in incomplete sentences instead. Corpse back from dead. Kills family. Spares son, develops awareness. Goes to underworld. Tries to find son who is in foster care for victims of the supernatural. Flash forward 15 years for no reason. Evil scientist. Fight.

THE GOOD: Nope.

THE BAD: TAAotLC is bad in every area. The animation is terrible and would have looked terrible 20 years ago. It’s clunky, awkward, and is in every way unappealing. The voice acting is horrendous, as is the dialogue. The plot is incoherent and disjointed. Character motivations are all over the place and often don’t make sense. I was wondering why this movie was 3 hours long before I realized it was just a tremendously painful 87 minutes.

VERDICT: Worst. Movie. Ever. Grade: F

Current ZMN Rank: #134 out of 134. It doesn’t get lower than that, you piece of shit. And again, if you’re the worst zombie movie I’ve ever seen, it probably means you’re straight-up the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Golden Zombey WatchEven if Best Animated Feature makes a comeback, this doesn’t deserve to be on the ballot.