Five Movies That Need Zombified Sequels

Posted: 07/06/2011 in Misc., Movies

Full disclosure: I haven’t read Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. I didn’t like the book in high school and even the inclusion of zombies hasn’t motivated me enough to pick it up and give it a read. But, it has started an interesting trend: introducing zombies to all ready existing works. It got me thinking about which of my favorite movies could be improved by a little zombification. So without further ado, I give you:

Five Movies That Need Zombified Sequels!

5. Pootie Tang – You were gonna guess Pootie Tang, weren’t you? No? What the hell is wrong with you? Not critically or commercially successful, Pootie Tang was a Chris Rock creation about a jive-talking (read: nonsense) super-cool customer named, that’s right, Pootie Tang. Pootie Tang is smooth with the ladies, cool with the fellas, and an inspiration for the kids. But he’s also not afraid to smack someone with a belt. I admit that I might be the only person in the world who would like to see how Pootie Tang would fare against the undead. “Zombie, I’m gonna sine your piddy on the runny kine.”

4. The Big Lebowski – If anyone is ready for the zombie apocalypse, you know it’s hard-nosed, Vietnam vet, Walter Sobchak! Zombies rise from the grave and attack…on league night. The Dude and Walter find themselves in a fight for survival…and then a bunch of wacky shit happens. This movie writes itself! C’mon, Coen Brothers, step up! You could even have Donny return from the dead. (Steve Buscemi is no stranger to zombie movies, see: Ed and His Dead Mother)

3. Forrest Gump – Ok, I’m stretching the rules here a little bit. I don’t really want a Forrest Gump zombie sequel. What I really want is a movie where one character (it could even be a zombie) finds himself cluelessly involved in a host of classic zombie moments. He wanders by an old, zombie-sieged farmhouse, he turns up at the Monroeville Mall, he finds himself on a zombie-infested island, he attends a house party that ends with a lawnmower massacre. The possibilities are endless! Make it happen, Hollywood!

2. Die Hard – The film opens with John McClane thwarting a terrorist plot…almost. The terrorists managed to set off a device that has zombified an entire city. The leader tells John that there’s an antidote, but in order to activate it, he and McClane have to form an uneasy alliance and get out of the city alive. Oh yeah, and Samuel L. Jackson is involved somehow! There needs to be a zombie movie with Samuel L. Jackson in it! (Also, the opening credits are a montage of the terrorist plot that McClane originally thwarted. It contains images of McClane doing wacky Die Hard stuff like jumping off the wing of one airplane onto the wing of another and riding an explosion on a surfboard)

1. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Is Gene Wilder still alive? Who has time for research? Either way, Wilder reprises his role as Willy Wonka for this sequel (suck it, Johnny Depp). After the end of the first movie, bastard-ass Charlie sold Willy out and let Slugworth buy out the factory. Ole Slugworth tried to evict Wonka, but authorities never could remove him from the booby-trapped maze of candy factory. The factory has remained closed for decades. The zombie apocalypse hits and a ragtag group of survivors seek shelter in the abandoned(?) old factory. Wonka emerges and the survivors begin to question whether they’re safer inside the factory or out. Key selling point: Zombie Oompa Loompas!!!

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Comments
  1. kjburke says:

    I would watch all of these

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