The Revenant, Insane in the Brain, & Gangs of the Dead

Posted: 12/14/2012 in Movies
Tags: , , , , , ,

The last Zombie Movie Night of 2012 is here and we’ve added three new movies to the roster. First up:

The Revenant

The Revenant

I had first heard of The Revenant back in 2009 from a review by Cory Casciato over at The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. I thought, “hey that sounds good, can’t wait to check it out.” Unfortunately, as is the case a lot times with zombie movies, it took quite a while to find a wide release. Now, three years later I finally got my hands on it…and, as is the case a lot of times with zombie movies, I was sorely disappointed.

Bart is a soldier who meets a grisly demise during the war in Iraq. While his friends and loved ones mourn their loss, Bart finds himself alive and nearly buried. He seeks out his slacker buddy and they eventually deduce that he’s a revenant: part zombie and part vampire. He has the decomposition of a zombie and the bloodlust of a vampire. He’s virtually unkillable and doesn’t have all of the inconvenient weakness of typically vampires.

THE GOOD: The Revenant could have been a really good movie (I feel like I make that statement a lot). It looks good and has a bunch of familiar looking actors (Bart had a recurring role on Heroes and his sidekick was a regular VH1 Best of… talking head). But…

THE BAD: …it ends up trying too many things with none of them really working. It goes for buddy comedy, romance, action , and drama. The comedy bits are only occasionally funny and the romance really falls flat as Bart’s girlfriend is really poorly developed. The action piece is probably the strongest and the film would have been better if it spent the majority of time on Bart’s vigilantism.

THE ZOMBIES: In reality, Bart is really more vampire than zombie. However, he looks like a zombie and they call him a zombie, which is enough to make the list. Threat Level: N/A

VERDICT: Damn it! I should know better than to have high expectations on Zombie Movie Night. I wanted The Revenant to be good, but it’s just not, and I can’t recommend it.
Grade: C-

Current ZMN Rank: #68 out of 99

Golden Zombey WatchThe Revenant’s strongest contender will probably be in Unintentional Comedy for featuring the most hilariously inept SWAT team ever on film.

Insane in the Brain

Insane in the Brain

Two minutes into Insane in the Brain, I declared, “I think this is the worst movie I’ve ever seen” as some of the worst looking zombies I’ve ever seen entered repeatedly shouting “More Brains!” After 10 minutes, I didn’t think I’d be able to watch any more as a zombie killed a prostitute with his gigantic penis.

THE GOOD: Then, just as things couldn’t get any worse…they actually started to get better and I began to grow fond of this terrible, terrible movie. About half way through, the movie really seems to embrace its limitations and becomes something seriously ridiculous and fun. Cue the goofy sound effects and characters moving in fast motion. (More movies should use fast motion. Benny Hill was really on to something.)

THE BAD: Make no mistake, though, this is a bad movie. Low budget all the way and the first 20 minutes are nearly unbearable.

THE ZOMBIES: Like I said, some of the worst looking I’ve ever seen on film. They’re basically just guys wearing bad Halloween masks. Eventually I did start to enjoy the zombies though I could do without their giant dongs. “More Brains!” Threat Level: 5

VERDICT: I have trouble placing this one. It’s certainly entertaining, but it’s really not good at all. It was definitely the most fun of the three movies this evening. Grade: C

Current ZMN Rank#77 out of 99

Golden Zombey WatchI’d keep an eye out for Funky Pheromones in Original Zombie Origin and funky cops, Sloan and Goldie in Zombie-Fighting Duo.

Gangs of the Dead

Gangs of the Dead

Gangs of the Dead is a film that feels really familiar. A radioactive meteor has hit the Earth (just like Night of the Comet, Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood, Days of Darkness, and others) and now mortal enemies are forced to attempt to survive despite their lack of trust (just like The Horde, Severed: Forest of the Dead, and others). It also features Noel G. (recently seen in Evilution) and James C. Burns (recently seen in Dead Season).

THE GOOD: It’s not a bad premise and it’s been done really well (see: The Horde). Unfortunately….

THE BAD: It’s been done really well, but not in this movie. It starts out fine, with zombies running wild and the gang members and cops holing up in an abandoned factory. But then things slow down to halt and the rest of the move just kind of meanders in mediocrity.

THE ZOMBIES: Start out strong despite the poor choice to have them spit out stupid-looking green liquid. They run amok and cause a significant amount of damage, but they’re really a non-factor through most of the movie as the film focuses it’s attention on the boring drama inside. Threat Level: 6

VERDICT: If you want to see a good version of this movie, watch The Horde. If you’d like to see a funny version of this movie, watch Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood. If you like mediocre, forgettable movies, watch Gangs of the Dead. Grade: C-

Current ZMN Rank#60 out of 99 (Somehow this movie has the highest rank out the movies I watched tonight, though it was probably the least entertaining. After almost 100 movies, I’m confused by my own ranking system.)

Golden Zombey WatchNoel G. may make a run at Best Non-Zombie Villain. There’s also got to be some category where we can include the pure stupidity involved with having a meteorologist character named Dick Weatherman.

  1. zombob says:

    Insane in the Brain should come with a warning label: hazardous to your mental health!

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