Humans Vs. Zombies & Tokyo Gore Police

Posted: 07/12/2013 in Movies
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It’s summer time and the living is easy…unless you’re surrounded by zombies of course. Hard to believe, but we have entered the last quarter of Zombie Movie Night: Season 4. It’s been a pretty solid year so far. We’ve watched some classics and traveled to the theaters a remarkable amount of times. So for July, it was nice to get back to some ZMN staples: one crappy low-budget, straight to DVD movie and one wacky foreign film. Which one was superior? You be the judge! (well, after I judge them)

Humans Vs. Zombies

Humans Vs Zombies

Humans Vs. Zombies is a live-action game that has become somewhat popular on college campuses across the county. It’s kinda like LARP, for people who’d rather run around with a Nerf gun than a foam sword. It’s sounds pretty dorky, but I’m sure that I would have partaken if I were younger and with the right group of friends. Anyway, this film seeks to cash in on the popularity of the game…..I think. It really ends up being a pretty typical zombie movie.

THE GOOD: Decent acting and decent effects for the genre. Slightly better than you’d expect for a movie of this caliber. There’s not much story to speak of outside the main characters running from place to place, trying to find shelter. Pretty standard, but done fairly well.

THE BAD: The characters are really college cardboard cut-outs. Nerd, Jock, Hot Girl, Unattainable Hot/Jerk Girl, Stoner. Yet despite being stereotypes that we’ve all come to know over the course of a million college films, HvZ spends at least 40 minutes establishing their motivations. If it was going to take that much time, it could have at least made the characters interesting.

THE ZOMBIES: The zombies are caused by the shady American government contaminating the ocean or something with oil or something with zombie ants or something with the Iraq War or the Vietnam War. I don’t know, it’s stupid. The movie spends too much time trying to make the zombie apocalypse sound viable, ultimately wasting time and throwing too much stuff up against the wall. The zombies are fast and attack in packs. The zombies and gore look pretty good. Threat Level: 7

VERDICT: Not a bad movie, but not a particularly good one either. If you’re a zombie fan I’ll recommend it simply for the ending that goes from unsatisfying to awesome in about half a minute. Grade: B-

Current ZMN Rank: #61 out of 118

Golden Zombey WatchSomebody might sneak through in one of the Acting categories, depending on which one is weakest. There was some nudity, although a little more would have made it a better contender for Best Nudity.

Tokyo Gore Police

Tokyo Gore Police

Tokyo Gore Police comes from the batshit insane minds that created Helldriver. TGP delivers the same kind of wacky, gory madness, but unfortunately it is not really a zombie movie. It does have some barely-zombie-like creatures; just enough to not be disqualified.

TGP takes place in a future where the Tokyo police force has been privatized and self-mutilation has become so commonplace that television commercials advertise stylish razors for teenage girls to cut themselves with. Ruka is a police officer who specializes in taking down mutated humans called “engineers.” Engineers have the ability to regrow severed body parts as weapons, so if you happened to have the top of your head cut off, you could grow back gun barrels as replacement eyes. Or if someone bit off your penis, it could grow back as a giant dick-cannon. While battling engineers, Ruka learns some dark secrets about the police force she works for, the death of her father, and the origin of the engineers.

THE GOOD: TGP is a funny, disgusting good time. Blood is ridiculously splattered and limbs are flying everywhere. Much like Helldriver, underneath the wackiness is actually some good story-telling and social commentary. Helldriver pulls it off better though, and is the superior of the two films.

THE BAD: TGP contains some of the most disturbing things that I’ve seen on film. There’s really no reason that I ever needed to see a naked human-torso-chair piss on an excited crowd of people. It’s also not nearly as much of a zombie movie as its Netflix description led me to believe. So it lost points for that.

THE ZOMBIES: The engineers can just barely be considered zombies. Some of them come back from what otherwise would be fatal bodily damage and one good guy is turned evil when he mutates, so I guess they count. It really just gets in because it’s related to HelldriverNepotism has infected the ZMN Standings.

VERDICT: Not a bad movie, if you dig over-the-top gore. Its value is definitely dropped for its very shaky status as a zombie movie. Grade (as a zombie movie): C

Current ZMN Rank: #89 out of 118

Golden Zombey Watch: Eihi Shiina won Best Supporting Actress last year for Helldriver, but I don’t particularly like her odds to win Best Actress for TGP. Giant Dick-Cannon Engineer might contend for Outstanding Zombie if he is deemed zombie enough. TGP looks like a lock to be nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, since surprisingly it’s only the third eligible film this season. It could also win an Academy Award for worst nudity…in the world….ever.

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