Eaters, Battle of the Damned, The Zombinator, & The Dead Matter

Posted: 07/18/2014 in Movies
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I have been negligent in some of my reviewing duties and I know that it has not gone unnoticed by my all of my loyal readers (population: 0). Just because I have missed some of my reviews has not meant that ZMN has not been chugging along though. So tonight, I’m going to do quick reviews of April and June’s entries.



Eaters is another one of those zombie movies that I saw a trailer for ages ago, but which just finally became available. Now anticipation is usually the key ingredient to disappointment, but luckily Eaters is a pretty damn good movie. The plot boils down to two buddies taking a road trip post-zombie apocalypse. Along the way, they run afoul of crazy survivors, Nazis (including a little person Hitler), mad scientists, and of course, zombies. The movie works mainly because the two main characters are likable and you care about what happens to them. Funny how that works. This one is definitely worth checking out. Grade: A

Current ZMN Rank: #27 out of 144

Battle of the Damned

Battle of the Damned

Dolph Lundgren and Robots vs. Zombies. That’s really all you need to know for this one. It’s good and bad for all the reasons you’d expect. I happened to enjoy it quite a bit, despite the fact that ol’ Dolph is a little bit up in age and doesn’t appear that tough when he whips out his Grandma-bifocals every time he looks at a map. I love the inclusion of robots for almost no reason. They’re actually quite inconsequential to the overall plot, but really, why the hell not put robots in your Dolph-powered zombie movie. Rock on! Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #67 out of 144

The Zombinator

The Zombinator

It’s funny that the tagline on the poster reads: “It started as a documentary,” because this started as a good movie (when it was a documentary) and then fell apart when it turned into a zombie movie. The movie starts out with a film crew following a fashion blogger. It really felt like it was going somewhere as characters were introduced and a moody vibe was established as the crew discussed how the town had a weird history of murder. Then, zombies descend on a party and everything that preceded it is flushed down the toilet and forgotten. An evil military guy and the titular Zombinator (who’s just a guy in black leather) come on the scene, characters are scared shitless by a building that has numbered doors, and one fellow discloses a history of parental abuse for no reason before quickly dying. It’s all pretty terrible and unwatchable, but for the me, the absolute number 1 sin is the inconsistency of the cameraman. The film starts out like a found footage flick, where the cameraman is a character in the movie. But then multiple times throughout the action, the cameraman is running with zombies, having doors closed in front of him, providing exterior shots…How is this happening?! Very frustrating and if I hadn’t already been taken out of the film, this would have done it for sure. I’m often disappointed by zombie movies, but rarely so abruptly. Grade: D-

Current ZMN Rank: #132 out of 144

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter is more of a hybrid movie than a straight up zombie movie. It involves mystical amulets, vampires, vampire hunters, Tom Savini, and some zombies. The main character is a woman who desperately wants to bring her brother back from the dead, despite the fact that nobody else seems to think this is a good idea. But, being the good friends that they are they participate in a ritual with her after she finds a magical amulet. What are friends for right? The amulet in question happens to belong to a vampire who is being hunted by some dude while simultaneously engaging in a sort of vampire turf war with Tom Savini (very similar to Blade’s subplot). The woman succeeds in raising a zombie that does her bidding, but also brings about more trouble than it’s worth. The movie’s  got a mix of poor acting and adequate acting, but ends up being a pretty fun romp. Highlights include a zombie eating an ice cream cone and riding a merry-go-round. Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #55 out of 144

  1. Robert says:

    A D- for The Zombinator? I think you’re being generous! Lol

  2. The first 10-15 minutes when I thought it might be OK kept it from earning an F. Keep in mind, this was better than 12 other movies in the Zombie Movie Night Standings.

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