Posts Tagged ‘Arisa Nakamura’

Golden Zombey Logo Season 5 is over people, 1/2 a decade of zombie movies in the can. The end of the season means that it is time to hand out the coveted Golden Zombeys! Celebrating the best and the worst that Zombie Movie Night had to offer. Eligible movies were any that were viewed as part of Zombie Movie Night between October 2013 and September 2014. Here’s a quick rundown of the winners. Congratulations to all! For a more detailed presentation including nominees, pictures, and explanations for each winner, click the link:

13:14 Zombeys PDF

2014 Hall of Fame Inductee: Shaun of the Dead

Best Zombie Movie Night Feature: The Battery

Best Actor in a Zombie Movie: Dan Palmer – Stalled

Best Actress in a Zombie Movie: Najarra Townsend – Contracted

Best Supporting Actor in a Zombie Movie: Jarrod Pistilli – Buck Wild

Best Supporting Actress in a Zombie Movie: Caroline Williams – Contracted

Outstanding Zombie in a Zombie Movie: Propeller Head – Frankenstein’s Army

Best Villain (Non-Zombie): Dr. Viktor Frankenstein – Frankenstein’s Army

Best Zombie-Fighting Duo or Team: Overtime – Raph & Max

Best Zombie Comedy: Dead Before Dawn

Best Nudity: Night of the Creeps

Best Foreign Film: Eaters

Most Memorable Massacring of Zombies: Zombie Hunter – Father Jesus with an Axe

Most Original Zombie Origin: Attack of the Vegan Zombies – Witchcraft and Blood/Alcohol Content

Best Soundtrack: The Battery

Most Bizarre Zombie Behavior: The Dead Matter – Zombie’s Day Out

Best Unintentional Comedy: Zombie Massacre – The President of the United States

Worst Ending: Dorm of the Dead

Biggest “WTF” Moment: Frankenstein’s Army

Best Poster Art: Eaters

Check out previous years’ winners here

I don’t know if my Zombie Movie Night expectations were ever as low as they were for the two offerings in the first showing of 2014. Nothing in my zombie list was really calling out to me, so I decided to make an attempt to revive the Golden Zombey category of Best Animated Feature by picking The Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse. It looked pretty crappy, but how bad could it be? My brother made the discovery that Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead was streaming on Netflix. Yeah, it was going to be a long night.

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

Zombie Ass

Zombie. Ass. Toilet. Of the Dead. Let’s just let that sink in. You know it’s from Japan. Wacky Japanese movies can be great (see Helldriver). They can also be terrible (see Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay). They can also get into weird, creepy, fetish areas (see Attack Girls Swim Team Vs. The Undead). Zombie Ass straddles that line, and comes pretty close to jumping over it. Luckily, most of it is pretty watchable.

So the story goes that a group of teens are camping in the forest in search of parasites so that one girl can ingest one and fulfill her dreams of becoming a super thin model. Somehow, this great plan goes awry. The parasite she eats turns out to be a mutant parasite that causes zombieism and occasionally sprouts out of the victim’s anus with razor sharp teeth. More butt parasite zombies show up and the group seeks shelter in a local village where they come across a scientist doctor dude and his young daughter, who are more evil than they first appear. There’s also some backstory about the hero’s guilt over not being able to save her younger sister who committed suicide because some school bullies forced her to fart in the presence of others. Spoiler Alert: she overcomes her fear and triumphs over evil with the power of farting in public.

THE GOOD: I know some of that sounds great, but it really comes out weird on screen. Obviously this film does not take itself too seriously, and there are parts that are bizarrely entertaining and funny. It builds some good momentum, but then goes off the rails.

THE BAD: The last chapter of the movie is really where it falls apart. The film turns from entertaining and kind of fun to disturbing and uncomfortable. However, if anime-style tentacle rape is your kind of thing, then you might think that the ending is the best part (and I don’t want to hang out with you).

THE ZOMBIES: The zombies start out pretty standard. A whole horde arises from an outhouse covered in shit. I’m not sure how they ended up there or how they all fit down there, but I’m able to suspend disbelief enough to cover it. Again, things get weird at the end, when the tentacle parasites start sprouting from the zombies’ butts, leading them to attack butt-first in a reverse bear crawl.

VERDICT: Not as slimy as Attack Girls’ Swim Team Vs. The Undead, but not nearly as good as the best Japanese zombie stuff. It’s probably best to pass on Zombie Ass. Grade: D+

Current ZMN Rank: #99 out of 134

Golden Zombey WatchDepends on how weak Best Actress is, but Arisa Nakamura might have an outside chance. This was our first non-English film, so Foreign Film might be sparse again. I’ll be looking for Shit Man when it comes time to pick Outstanding Zombie.

The Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse

Amazing Adventures of the Living Corpse

Based on title alone, you’d think that this would be a light-hearted, fun, animated romp. You would be dead wrong. There is nothing amazing about the boring-ass adventures of the living corpse. I feel compelled to summarize the plot, but I know it’s not worth my time. I’ll just speak in incomplete sentences instead. Corpse back from dead. Kills family. Spares son, develops awareness. Goes to underworld. Tries to find son who is in foster care for victims of the supernatural. Flash forward 15 years for no reason. Evil scientist. Fight.

THE GOOD: Nope.

THE BAD: TAAotLC is bad in every area. The animation is terrible and would have looked terrible 20 years ago. It’s clunky, awkward, and is in every way unappealing. The voice acting is horrendous, as is the dialogue. The plot is incoherent and disjointed. Character motivations are all over the place and often don’t make sense. I was wondering why this movie was 3 hours long before I realized it was just a tremendously painful 87 minutes.

VERDICT: Worst. Movie. Ever. Grade: F

Current ZMN Rank: #134 out of 134. It doesn’t get lower than that, you piece of shit. And again, if you’re the worst zombie movie I’ve ever seen, it probably means you’re straight-up the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Golden Zombey WatchEven if Best Animated Feature makes a comeback, this doesn’t deserve to be on the ballot.