Posts Tagged ‘Italy’

I have been negligent in some of my reviewing duties and I know that it has not gone unnoticed by my all of my loyal readers (population: 0). Just because I have missed some of my reviews has not meant that ZMN has not been chugging along though. So tonight, I’m going to do quick reviews of April and June’s entries.

Eaters

Eaters

Eaters is another one of those zombie movies that I saw a trailer for ages ago, but which just finally became available. Now anticipation is usually the key ingredient to disappointment, but luckily Eaters is a pretty damn good movie. The plot boils down to two buddies taking a road trip post-zombie apocalypse. Along the way, they run afoul of crazy survivors, Nazis (including a little person Hitler), mad scientists, and of course, zombies. The movie works mainly because the two main characters are likable and you care about what happens to them. Funny how that works. This one is definitely worth checking out. Grade: A

Current ZMN Rank: #27 out of 144

Battle of the Damned

Battle of the Damned

Dolph Lundgren and Robots vs. Zombies. That’s really all you need to know for this one. It’s good and bad for all the reasons you’d expect. I happened to enjoy it quite a bit, despite the fact that ol’ Dolph is a little bit up in age and doesn’t appear that tough when he whips out his Grandma-bifocals every time he looks at a map. I love the inclusion of robots for almost no reason. They’re actually quite inconsequential to the overall plot, but really, why the hell not put robots in your Dolph-powered zombie movie. Rock on! Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #67 out of 144

The Zombinator

The Zombinator

It’s funny that the tagline on the poster reads: “It started as a documentary,” because this started as a good movie (when it was a documentary) and then fell apart when it turned into a zombie movie. The movie starts out with a film crew following a fashion blogger. It really felt like it was going somewhere as characters were introduced and a moody vibe was established as the crew discussed how the town had a weird history of murder. Then, zombies descend on a party and everything that preceded it is flushed down the toilet and forgotten. An evil military guy and the titular Zombinator (who’s just a guy in black leather) come on the scene, characters are scared shitless by a building that has numbered doors, and one fellow discloses a history of parental abuse for no reason before quickly dying. It’s all pretty terrible and unwatchable, but for the me, the absolute number 1 sin is the inconsistency of the cameraman. The film starts out like a found footage flick, where the cameraman is a character in the movie. But then multiple times throughout the action, the cameraman is running with zombies, having doors closed in front of him, providing exterior shots…How is this happening?! Very frustrating and if I hadn’t already been taken out of the film, this would have done it for sure. I’m often disappointed by zombie movies, but rarely so abruptly. Grade: D-

Current ZMN Rank: #132 out of 144

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter

The Dead Matter is more of a hybrid movie than a straight up zombie movie. It involves mystical amulets, vampires, vampire hunters, Tom Savini, and some zombies. The main character is a woman who desperately wants to bring her brother back from the dead, despite the fact that nobody else seems to think this is a good idea. But, being the good friends that they are they participate in a ritual with her after she finds a magical amulet. What are friends for right? The amulet in question happens to belong to a vampire who is being hunted by some dude while simultaneously engaging in a sort of vampire turf war with Tom Savini (very similar to Blade’s subplot). The woman succeeds in raising a zombie that does her bidding, but also brings about more trouble than it’s worth. The movie’s  got a mix of poor acting and adequate acting, but ends up being a pretty fun romp. Highlights include a zombie eating an ice cream cone and riding a merry-go-round. Grade: B

Current ZMN Rank: #55 out of 144

Zombie Movie Night, May 2012 asked that age old question: Who makes crazier zombie movies Japan or Italy. Unfortunately, we’ll have to throw this one out as Zombie Mermaid barely qualifies. But, more on that…

Oh! My Zombie Mermaid

Be forewarned, oh lovers of great cinema, Oh! My Zombie Mermaid contains a mermaid, and it contains a zombie, but it does not contain a zombie mermaid. And that’s one of the least bizarre things about this movie.

Successful wrestler, Kouta Shishioh, is having a house warming party. This is a big deal, see, ’cause his wife has always dreamed of having a house (a small house, with big windows, and a small door, and a darling puppy. Trust me, it makes a great song). Unfortunately for Kouta, everything goes to shit when his rival shows up, a jerkass American dude who looks like Albert Wesker from Resident Evil. Wrestling wackiness ensues with broken chairs, tables, televisions, and a giant fish shoved down a man’s throat. The action culminates when a mysterious bomb blows the house to smithereens. House-loving wifey is caught in the blast and ends up in a coma. Even worse while she’s in the hospital, she starts to turn into a mermaid (a surprisingly common occurrence with coma victims, I Googled it.) Kouta is understandably upset by this and he begins to rebuild his house, a move that he is sure will cure his wife. He throws all of his money into the house and soon he can’t even afford to pay his stable of goofy wrestling buddies. In order to make things right, he reluctantly agrees to participate in a Pay-Per-View type event in which he will take on a group of evil murderous wrestlers (one of which being a zombie! ZMN classification satisfied!). The only venue suitable for such an event? Kouta’s new house, which he will lose ownership of if he is not victorious.

THE GOOD: Oh!MZM is wacky Japanese at its finest. There are a number of WTF! moments as well as plenty of times when I laughed out loud. This one is fun and entertaining from beginning to end.

THE BAD: The title is terribly misleading. The subtitles during the opening scene offer an alternate title: Ah! House of Wrestling, which is much more accurate. I was afraid that despite having the word zombie in the title, that it would not be eligible to be listed on the Zombie Movie Night Standings, luckily…

THE ZOMBIES ZOMBIE: Half way through the movie, a zombie wrestler makes the scene. He’s dirty and has white pupils. It seems that he might just be some kind of weirdo, until he starts stabbing himself and strangling our hero with his own intestines. Oh!MZM makes the list by the slimmest of margins.

THE VERDICT: I’d recommend Oh!MZM to anyone who loves wrestling or movies that are batshit insane. If it had more zombies in it, it would have scored much higher in the ZMN Standings. As zombie movie it’s a D, as crazy Japanese movie, it’s an A.

Current ZMN Rank: #37 out of 76

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror

Burial Ground doesn’t waste any time getting to zombies and boobs, so neither will I! Let’s go!

THE GOOD: Far too often, zombie movies waste a lot of time building stuff up, whether it be character development or tension. BG:TNOT don’t play that! Zombies within the first 5 minutes, nudity within the first 15. BG:TNOT is entertaining in a super-cheesy kind of way.

THE BAD: Unfortunately, once the zombies get going, things slow down considerably. There is no story to speak of and things get really repetitive: zombies show up, people run…only to find more zombies, run and repeat. There are also some really questionable directorial decisions, such as long scenes of zombies walking…..very……very…..slowly, long super close-ups of the actor’s eyes, and the casting of a little person to play a child (although this may have been a necessity based on the fact that all the “kid” does during the movie is put the moves on his mom).

THE ZOMBIES: BG:TNOT zombies are a surprising bunch. They are extremely slow, but seem to put a spell on their victims, as those idiots have a lot of trouble evading the barely moving corpses, deciding instead to stand wide-eyed and get slowly choked. As the movie progresses, the zombies raid the toolshed and start to use scythes and axes. They show some impressive teamwork as they employ the use of a battering ram.

The make-up used for the zombies is interesting. Masks are used most of the time and look pretty gruesome, especially when covered in live maggots. Drawn out close-ups allow the viewer to clearly see the imperfections of the make-up, such as seeing the actor’s mouth underneath the mask’s zombie teeth. Despite this, or maybe because of this, I found myself strangely fond of the cheesy zombies.

THE VERDICT: BG:TNOT is not a good movie. It is stupid, cheesy, and crazy enough to be enjoyable. It started quick, but not strong and ends up a C-.

Current ZMN Rank: #53 out 76

Current ZMN Standings