2014 Golden Zombeys

Season 5 is over people, 1/2 a decade of zombie movies in the can. The end of the season means that it is time to hand out the coveted Golden Zombeys! Celebrating the best and the worst that Zombie Movie Night had to offer. Eligible movies were any that were viewed as part of Zombie Movie Night between October 2013 and September 2014. Here’s a quick rundown of the winners. Congratulations to all! For a more detailed presentation including nominees, pictures, and explanations for each winner, click the link:

13:14 Zombeys PDF

2014 Hall of Fame Inductee: Shaun of the Dead

Best Zombie Movie Night Feature: The Battery

Best Actor in a Zombie Movie: Dan Palmer – Stalled

Best Actress in a Zombie Movie: Najarra Townsend – Contracted

Best Supporting Actor in a Zombie Movie: Jarrod Pistilli – Buck Wild

Best Supporting Actress in a Zombie Movie: Caroline Williams – Contracted

Outstanding Zombie in a Zombie Movie: Propeller Head – Frankenstein’s Army

Best Villain (Non-Zombie): Dr. Viktor Frankenstein – Frankenstein’s Army

Best Zombie-Fighting Duo or Team: Overtime – Raph & Max

Best Zombie Comedy: Dead Before Dawn

Best Nudity: Night of the Creeps

Best Foreign Film: Eaters

Most Memorable Massacring of Zombies: Zombie Hunter – Father Jesus with an Axe

Most Original Zombie Origin: Attack of the Vegan Zombies – Witchcraft and Blood/Alcohol Content

Best Soundtrack: The Battery

Most Bizarre Zombie Behavior: The Dead Matter – Zombie’s Day Out

Best Unintentional Comedy: Zombie Massacre – The President of the United States

Worst Ending: Dorm of the Dead

Biggest “WTF” Moment: Frankenstein’s Army

Best Poster Art: Eaters

Check out previous years’ winners here

Knight of the Dead & Contracted

Wel’p, 5 years of watching zombie movies on a monthly basis are in the bank. September marks the end of another season of flesh-eating fun. Let’s take a look at the last two entrants of the year and determine whether they belong comfortable at the top of the standings or tied up in the basement.

Knight of the Dead

King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table vs. Zombies! Sounds awesome, right? Well, it might be. Unfortunately, Knight of the Dead is not that movie. Instead we’ve got a bunch of knight-ish fellows and a priest being as boring as possible while still engaging in sword fights with zombies.

THE GOOD: KotD actually looks pretty good. Aside from some bad-looking CGI blood splatters, the cinematography, costume design, and make-up are pretty decent. Some zombie movies are good despite looking pretty bad and low-budget. KotD pulls off the reverse, and looks better than it is.

THE BAD: Despite looking good and containing plenty of medieval-type action sequences, there’s simply not enough compelling story to make KotD any good. The characters and story are not given much of an introduction, which left me wondering what the hell was going on for about the first 30 minutes of action. By the time I figured it out, I didn’t care anymore.

THE ZOMBIES: The zombies are residents of a cursed area of land where the dead rise and feast on the living. We know that the land is cursed, because the characters make sure to exclaim, “This is cursed land.” every 5 minutes or so. If you were looking for a hard-to-kill zombie in full battle armor, you won’t find it in this film. In fact, none of the characters ever resemble the big guy you see up on the cover art.

VERDICT: I’m still surprised that a movie with this many medieval action scenes could be this boring. I could not wait for this one to end. Grade: D+

Current ZMN Rank: #127 out of 150

Golden Zombey Watch: There might be something in here worthy of a Most Memorable Massacring or Best Zombie Fighting Team nomination.

Contracted

Samantha’s having a rough time. Things with her girlfriend are not going well. She’s recently moved in with her mother and their relationship is less than ideal. Her career also does not seem to be taking off as she works as a waitress and passively hopes to get accepted into some kind of flower-related institute of higher learning. So, when she attends a party that her girlfriend no-shows for, I guess it didn’t seem like the worst idea to get drunk and have a one-night-stand with a random stranger. What’s the worst that could happen? Unfortunately for Samantha, she’s in a zombie movie, so the answer’s kind of obvious.

THE GOOD: Contracted is a good movie. Samantha’s journey from down-on-her-luck cute girl to full on raging zombie is engaging, tragic, and often times stomach-turning. Good acting and make-up complete the package.

THE BAD: I’ve read some criticisms that the characters around Samantha do not react to her condition realistically, particularly her mother. I did not find this to be the case. You’d be surprised how much blaming occurs when people have a history of poor decision making. While Mom could have pushed more for medical care, I don’t think that it was unrealistic for her to make the assumption that Samantha’s condition was a result of drug use or self-harm.

THE ZOMBIE S : Poor Samantha turns into the film’s sole zombie, vagina first. I think I’d rather be bitten on the arm. She becomes increasingly zombie-like as the film progresses.

VERDICT: This film was one of the stand-outs of this season and a good way to conclude it. Definitely not for everyone (especially the squeamish), but definitely one that any zombie enthusiast should check out. (Also, a good moral for the kids: Don’t have sex with anyone, ever.) Grade: A-

Current ZMN Rank: #15 out of 150

Golden Zombey Watch: Strong contender for Best Actress. There might be a Supporting Actress nod in there as well.

The Absolute, Very Best, Zombie Movies Currently Streaming on Netflix (sort of)

For the last 3 years, I’ve offered up what I believe to be the best zombie movies available immediately to watch if you have Netflix streaming. They have been some of my most viewed posts, so let’s keep the magic alive, shall we? Before we start here is a list of movies from the previous lists that are still available (or available again in some cases).

*Links lead to full reviews

The Horde, The Cabin in the Woods, Pontypool, Dead Snow, [REC] 3, ParaNorman, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, Survival of the Dead, Quarantine 2, and Beyond the Grave.

1. Night of the Living Dead – The granddaddy of them all. Birth of a genre. This one had been streaming a few years ago, and now it’s back, Yay!

2. World War Z – Brad Pitt’s re-imagining of the popular novel by Max Brooks. There’s an unrated version that I have not seen, I wonder if it improves the film, which was already pretty cool? Only one way to find out….Ask someone who’s watched it.

3. Harold’s Going Stiff – This one goes for the heart, and not in the normal flesh-eating way, either. Golden Zombey winner, Sarah Spencer, steals the show as she cares for an elderly man slowly giving way to zombieism.

4. Frankenstein’s Army – Sometimes you want a movie that’s just crazy, crazy, crazy, in your face, all the time. F’sA stars a zombie with a propeller for a head.

5. Night of the Creeps – An oldie, but goodie. Alien slugs create zombies that run amok in an 80’s college town. Pretty funny and engaging. Worth checking out.

6. Dead Before Dawn – Speaking of funny zombie movies. A curse causes local residents to kill themselves and then return as zombies. That might not sound like the makings of an effective comedy, but this one hits all the right notes.

7. Cockneys vs. Zombies – Yet another effective zombie comedy. Some down-on-their-luck English folk team up with the residents of a retirement community to give the zombie apocalypse a run for its money.

8. Buck Wild – This one I really thought would be terrible, but to my surprise was one of the most enjoyable zombie movies I’ve watched this year, even though it does not feature zombie deer.

9. Stalled – What would happen if you were on the toilet in a public restroom when the zombie apocalypse broke out? It’s time you found out.

10. John Dies at the End – Barely a zombie movie, but I’m still going to include it, just because it’s a fun movie.

Axe Cop: Episode 2 – Zombie Island…in Space!

Zombie Island…in Space!

I have a 4-year-old daughter. For about the past 9 months she’s been calling herself Cheerio, a super hero with limitless power (she gains a new power every time she eats Cheerios!), although her primary power is cutting the heads off of zombies (I’m so proud). She includes just about everyone she’s ever met into her super hero adventures. It’s infinitely fun to be a part of. Her imagination is limited only by her life experience, but she’s very good at filling in the gaps…with often entertaining results. This same magic is created in the web comic, Axe Cop, which is now also a late-night cartoon on Fox. Axe Cop was born when comic book artist, Ethan Nicolle, decided to illustrate the adventures that his 5-year-old brother, Malachai, played out during a Christmas visit. The result is pure, magical, and fun. Axe Cop is essentially the way that all of us viewed super heroes at one point. Powerful, unflinching, without a hint of irony or parody. It is fantastic and hilarious in a way that no adult could recreate on their own.

What does this have to do with zombies, you ask? Well, Axe Cop often comes into contact with all sorts of supernatural baddies: vampires, werewolves, witches, and of course, zombies. The second episode of the animated series pits Axe Cop against an army of the undead, among other…less pleasant villains.

Zombie Island…in Space captures the frantic energy of the web comic fairly well. We start with Hitler creating zombies, then jump to a giant robot, then a villain marrying the Queen of England, and of course, the Pope pooping his pants. (That last gag was probably written in by an adult, it lacks the purity I mentioned earlier, but still works nonetheless). Zombies are present throughout and SPOILER ALERT! end up fighting on both the sides of good and evil.

I’ve enjoyed the first two episodes of Axe Cop so far and they’re definitely worth checking out. (If you don’t like them, they’re only 10 minutes long, so really, what have you lost?) I hope that the animated series is able to maintain the heart of Axe Cop, that is to say, the 5-year-old boy (or 4-year-old girl) in all of us.

Axe Cop airs on Saturday nights on Fox or you can watch episodes here: http://www.foxadhd.com/#!/shows/axecop

Follow the web comic here: axecop.com

Merry Christmas from Ask Me About Zombies

Just in time for Halloween…

Ask Me About Zombies

So, you’re a responsible parent. You want your son or daughter to learn his/her ABC’s. You go out and pick up some educational materials and what do you find: A is for Apple, B is for Ball….yawn….Z is for Zebra. Z is for Zebra? Not in my house it ain’t.

Don’t worry my friend. I’m here to help. Now your child can learn what’s really important with: Do-It-Yourself ABC Zombie Flashcards!

Needed materials:

• Z is for Zombie PDF file: Zombie flashcards PDF
• Color Printer
• Card Stock paper
• Scissors
• (optional) Laminator: You can find one at Target, Walmart, or Amazon for about $30
• (optional) Laminating pouches: I prefer 5 mil for durability

Step 1: Print out the attached Zombie flashcards onto Card Stock paper

Step 2: Cut out each card along the lines

Step 3: Fold cards along the middle line

Step 4: Insert folded cards into laminating pouches

Step 5:…

View original post 58 more words

High School of the Dead

High School of the Dead

My last post was a cute picture of my daughter and I dressing up for Halloween. It just seems wrong that I follow that up with a review of something as perverse as High School of the Dead.

High School of the Dead is anime series that follows a group of high school students as they fight through the zombie apocalypse. I don’t much care for anime, but I care very much about zombies, so I figured I’d give it a shot (the first season is currently available on Netflix instant streaming). As it turns out, HSotD contains a lot the key elements for a great zombie story, but also everything I hate about anime.

The series opens with some really nice sequences of the apocalypse spreading through the school. At one point early on, one of the female characters falls over to reveal a shot of her underwear. “Huh”, I thought, “That’s in pretty poor taste.” Then it happened again…and again….and again…..and (literally) ad nausem. By the time I reached the end of the first episode I realized that what I was really watching was an animated upskirt fetish video disguised as a zombie series.

THE GOOD: The real shame is that HSotD is a pretty good zombie tale. Students escape a school full of their infested classmates and teachers. They then travel through an infected city in search of their families. Pretty standard, but well done. The characters are all fairly interesting as well. If the female characters just wore jeans instead of skirts, I’d be raving about what a good show this is.

Also, the opening theme song is awesomely awkward Japanese to English lyrics at their finest. You can’t top this:

While I’ve lost my shaken sense of reality
Where will my sentiments, piling up like rubble, go?

Holding a crushed hope, I brushed the red rain off and ran in a trance

At the end of crumbled emotions, what do I see? What exists? I still don’t know
All fleeting futures simply kept spreading silently in front of my eyes

Light and shadows vanished; what the last words
Wished for was tomorrow alone; where does it exist in this reality?

Gazing at the crushed present, I ran in the middle of the red rain unhesitatingly

Over the crumbling scenery, what do I know? What do I hear? I can’t see anymore
I’ll simply keep silently choosing the single fleeting future in front of my eyes

At the end of crumbled emotions, what do I see? What exists? I still don’t know
All fleeting futures simply kept spreading silently in front of my eyes

THE BAD: For everything it has going for it, there’s just no getting past the constant barrage of depraved panty shots. A benign shot of two students sitting on a bus…and you can see the girl’s striped underwear. A girl discovers that her mother is still alive, ecstatically she leaps into the air and into her mother’s arms…revealing a shot of her panties in the process. Also shortly into the series, a surviving teacher reminds the audience that all of the characters are “barely teenagers”.

Slightly less disturbing are the constant boob shots. Every female character is endowed beyond the point of physics. If they were real people, I don’t think they’d be able to walk without a brace of some kind. The school nurse even gets a bouncy sound effect whenever she runs.

THE UGLIES: Standard shuffling zombies, nothing particularly unique, but effective in their delivery. HSotD has some really nice zombie sequences.

VERDICT: If I wasn’t a hardcore zombie fan, I would have stopped watching HSotD after episode one. The crotch shots are just that distracting and irritating. Watching HSotD just makes me feel dirty. I’d honestly be more embarrassed if my wife walked in on me watching HSotD then if I were watching hardcore porn. Porn would be easier to explain. 3 out of 10 stars. ( If it weren’t for the disturbing sexuality, it would have been at least an 8 )

Plants vs. Zombies Halloween

No real post today. Just thought I’d share a pic of my daughter and I celebrating Halloween…Plants vs. Zombies style!

Reaper Wrap-Up

Reaper

So, I finished my viewing of the entire run of the television show Reaper. I have to say that my memory was accurate and that Reaper was a really great show, killed in the prime of its life. Here are some of my final thoughts and notes on the series:

* Reaper had some really good music. In the first three episodes alone, we get tracks from The Bravery, Silversun Pickups, and Queens of the Stone Age.

*A zombie character first appears in Season 2 episode 4.

* Season 2 episode 6 stars Golden Zombey award winner: Stephen McHattie.

* The son of the Devil, Morgan, is played by Armie Hammer. Hammer played the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network. If you want someone to play a handsome douchebag, Hammer’s your man. (He also must have one of the worst names in the Screen Actors’ Guild. There’s no way you can hear his name and not think of baking soda.)

* The series really begins to pick around episode 6, which stars Patton Oswalt. Coincidence? I think not.

* Lucy Davis stars in a few episodes as part of a side story arc revolving around Ben and a green card marriage. Davis starred in Shaun of the Dead and is probably best known as the female lead (the “Pam” if you will) in the original, British, The Office.

2011 Golden Zombeys

Last week concluded the 2nd full year of Zombie Movie Night. That means it is time to hand out awards to the best and worst of the ZMN participants this year. Eligible movies were any that were viewed as part of ZMN between October 2010 and September 2011. Here’s a quick rundown of the winners. For a more detailed presentation click the link: 11 Zombeys PDF

Best Picture: The Horde

Best Actor: Joshua Grote – DIEner…(get it?)

Best Actress: Claude Perron – The Horde

Best Supporting Actor: Bobby Rhodes – Demons

Best Supporting Actress: Kathleen McDermott – Dead Set

Outstanding Zombie: Lollipop Zombie – Plaga Zombie: Zona Mutante

Best Villain (Non-Zombie): Patrick – Dead Set

Best Foreign Language Film: The Horde

Best Zombie Comedy: SARS Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis

Best Nudity: The Dead Pit

Best Soundtrack: Plaga Zombie: Zona Mutante

Most Memorable Massacring of Zombies: The Horde – Ouess’ Last Stand

Most Original Zombie Origin: Demons – Evil Movie Prop

Most Bizarre Zombie Behavior: Damned by Dawn – Flying Zombie Skeletons

Best Unintentional Comedy: Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill

Biggest “WTF!” Moment: Rammbock – Man Sleeps in Bear Suit